Cheesecake: The Key to the Secrets of the Universe

After years of painstaking research and ardent attention into the subject of this blog, cheesecake, I have come to some startling conclusions. First of all, I have solved the mysteries of the world as we know it and the very question that plagues so many of our thoughts: what's it all about? It's all about cheesecake. Yes, I know, the very idea that something as simple as cheesecake could hold all the answers seems crazy. Or does it? First of all, the basic question of good and bad is answered by cheesecake. If a person likes cheesecake then they are good. If a person doesn't like cheesecake then they are bad. Think of the implications! Do you realize how much simpler and less costly our legal system will be now? People on trial will only have to answer one question: Do you like cheesecake? If they say yes, then they are free to go. If they say no: life in prison with stiff monetary fines. Secondly, we can categorize all people based on their cheesecake preference. For example, my best friend likes pumpkin cheesecake, therefore she is healthy, fit, a bit spicy and full of creativity. I like my cheesecake plain, therefore I am straightforward, passive, slow to change and fiercely loyal. Amazing, isn't it? As a society we can now do away with all psychologists and psychiatrists. We never need spend another dime being analyzed now that we can all know "who we are". I wish that I had more time this morning to outline some more of my "Grand Cheesecake Design Theory", but I need to prepare myself for all the phone calls that, no doubt, will soon be pouring in. You know, the Pope, the Presdential Candidates, the Prime Minister, all Nobel prize winning scientists....yes, it will most likely be a long day today :)