Styrofoam Lawn Ornaments

I do not like lawn ornaments. Let me rephrase that: I despise lawn ornaments. Why would anyone want a statue of a little boy peeing or a deer frozen in flight from a hunter (those are really morbid). Actually I can almost see some rhyme or reason to some lawn ornamentation. For instance, if you are into flashing, it only makes sense to have a wood cutout of a pioneer woman bent over with her frilly undies showing. After all, you're just being honest with people and simultaneously warning them not to look when you call out. That I can respect. The yards that have so much chaos going on that you can't figure out what's up or down, are okay too. For instance, if you see a duck followed by two goldfish, an elf holding a carrot, a gnome glaring with sharp teeth, a statue of Mary, half a nativity scene, and a ceramic basket filled with garden globes and plastic poinsettias in June, you know that the home is owned by someone with either mild dementia or schizophrenia. Either way, they have a right to their eclectic lawn ornaments.

All that being said, the rest of you have no excuse. When you're walking around the garden center at Lowe's and your spouse says something to you about how cute the naked cherub fountain with the wheelbarrow attached is, you must stop them. It's a matter of common human decency really. Just think of all the unsuspecting people that your spouse will invite over to view the cherub monstrosity. "See how the water squirts from the cherubs ears into the wheelbarrow? Don't you think it's just darling?". These words should never be spoken. No, not ever. It's cruel really. What if your spouse decides to put the cherub fountain in the front yard? I can hardly bear to think of the poor people driving by who will have to see the thing. Some maybe on their daily commute. Now that is just wrong.

So, in the interest of public decency and environmental responsibility, I've come up with an idea. If a person feels so compelled to posses a lawn ornament that they cannot physically restrain themselves, they should gather together all the used Styrofoam cups that they can find and build their own lawn ornaments out of them. Since we know that Styrofoam doesn't break down in land fills (at least for a few hundred years or so - no, I won't be around to check these figures), they can go hog wild in their front (and back) yard with their creativity. When the rest of us are forced to set eyes on their little piece of heaven, we can at least praise the person for saving the planet before we have to fight back the waves of nausea.